And The Future Darwin Award Goes To…

I remember reading this article yesterday when she was first pulled over for breastfeeding at the wheel and shook my head. Now, she says she’ll do it again if needed because she’s not going to let something as stupid as a possible car accident keep her from feeding that child.

WTF?

Let me make something perfectly clear. I am not against breastfeeding. I used to do it. It’s supposed to be a special time for you and your child while relaxed and uh, safe. The cop is right, someone hits you or you hit anything going 15 mph or above, that baby is dead. Unlike her adult body mass that can absorb a good portion of a crash but still come out pretty bruised on the BREAST bone and chest area, anything in that general vincity is going to be pretty hurting, especially the continually forming skull of an infant.

“Walking down the street can be dangerous.”

Really? Did she just say that walking down the street is just as dangerous as having your infant suckling a breast while driving your car? I mean, the cop, who I’m sure has seen tons of mangled bodies involved in tragic accidents where people were actually doing things right, has absolutely no expertise in this matter. So you go ahead and keep feeding that crying child at 45 mph, cause you’re a winner. Yes, you are.

Thaumatrope for Valentine’s Day

So yes, I realize that Valentine’s Day was yesterday. What can I say? I am a procrastinator especially when it comes a holiday I can’t necessarily celebrate in the exact way I imagine. Perhaps one day I will be able to immerse myself in the romance of it all again.

In light of the dark mood I’m in — I invite you to read my second published Thaumatrope story. If I had to title it, the first thing that comes to mind is that Etta “I hate Beyonce” James song, “At Last”. It’s the first one in a compilation of Valentine treats.

Enjoy and to those out there who do have someone special in their lives, I do hope you had a most wonderful day.

My New Ride…

news007

Yep. I went in with a 138 million of my closest friends and helped buy a new jet! Unfortunately, it only seats 12 of us at a time, but that’s not a problem, since we still have about 500 billion dollars left to spend on fuel for multiple trips!

Seriously Citigroup, WTF? 

This is almost as good as the auto executives showing up on Capitol Hill via separate private jets to ask for money.  I seriously have to ask if you start getting stupid once you hit your first million and then climb onwards. Why must hard working Americans continue to go along on these involuntary trips to retardville? Enough is enough!

Tell you what Citi, I’m gonna start collecting money from you guys every month for rental of my plane. I urge every citizen who pays taxes to send them a bill as well. 

Fuckers.

Next Time, Carve “Dumbass” Into Your Forehead

…but make sure you’re not looking into a mirror while you do it.

Me this morning to Pete: This Ashley Todd thing was totally staged.

Pete: Don’t get all conspiracy on this poor girl.

Me: I like how the ‘b’ is backwards, btw 😉

This afternoon, it was an admitted lie. There was something about the picture that struck me as odd. There is almost a half smile on her face. The artfully crafted and backwards ‘b’ not withstanding, she looks far too sedate after such a brutal attack. Also, if someone just got done carving initials into your face, why on Earth would you refuse medical treatment? Do you happen to like scarring or dirty blunt instruments digging through your skin?

I hope that ‘b’ stays with her for a very very long time in therapy.

P.S. Welcome CNN readers who have come here via the blog link. I’ve had a ton of hits so far, so thanks for reading. Feel free to look around the rest of the site and btw, be nice when you comment. I will break out the bat of moderation if you do not remain civil. 😉

The Palin SNL Rap

I only saw Palin’s opener, so this was pretty funny in hindsight. I still can’t believe they got away with saying half the stuff they did, but this was just awesome work on Amy’s part. (who incidentally, looks like she’s ready to pop at any moment.)

Not a Liberal Nor Conservative…

In response to why I’m still fence sitting on Scalzi’s ‘Whatever’, I figured I would post this for all of you who read here. Take what you want and leave the rest, but don’t ever label me as a liberal or a conservative. I might just bite off your head.

1.) I don’t think banning guns is a good idea. For all the lawful people who would turn them in, the criminals would still have them and still be able to get them through black markets, which would leave all those law abiding citizens unable to protect themselves. An armed society is a polite society and protects against a tyrannical government.

2.) I don’t believe the government should have any power over a woman’s body. Yet, personally, I am pro-life.

3.) I do not believe in big government.

4.) I do not believe in raising taxes when poor and middle-income families are hurting! When we stop paying exorbitant amounts of money for toilet seats and hammers, perhaps we won’t need to pull money from already broke tax payers to fund social and war programs.

5.) While I want to help the environment, I do not subscribe to the ‘end of days’ hysteria that is currently hitting both the psyche and appropriately, the market.

6.) I think it’s asinine to negotiate with terrorists. They are terrorists. Diplomacy only works when there is rational thinking involved, and no matter to whom you speak, terrorists have already crossed the border into crazy town. Go ahead and discuss nuclear aspirations with Kim Jong Il over a nice round of 18 “hole-in-one” golf and see how far it gets you.

7.) Like it or not, we are committed to Iraq. I don’t care if you were for it or against it, but we are there, and to withdraw without a stable infrastructure would put everyone in danger.

8.) I am infuriated over big-oil. Any corporation which makes over $1000.00 a minute while people suffer needs to be regulated. No CEO will ever convince me otherwise.

9.) I believe in the death penalty for certain crimes if only convicted through DNA evidence.

10.) I believe in stem cell research.

11.) I am wary of allowing cloning.

12.) I believe we should be pumping as much money into the space program as we possibly can without sacrificing social programs.

13.) The government should have no bearing over what happens in our bedrooms.

14.) The government should, however, fight for any citizen to have equal rights if they are a productive member of society and pay taxes, regardless of race, gender, or sexual preference.

15.) We should take care of our veterans and their families. Conditions in VA homes and hospitals and even barracks are deplorable.

16.) As I don’t believe in paying for something that doesn’t complete a job, Congress and the House must set reasonable goals each term. Seriously, had this been a corporation and I the CEO, I would have fired everyone of those lazy bastards for taking vacation while nothing was done.

I am VERY middle of the road here. The McCain/Palin ticket work for my stances on gun control, !terrorist negotiations, !tax increases, and the death penalty.

The Obama/Biden ticket works for equal rights, stem-cell research, tighter control on big corporations, and social programs.

No one has really given me an answer on Iraq, the space program, environmental issues and cloning that I really care for, so hence my hesitation.

I hope this demonstrates why I’m sitting on the fence, here. I don’t really want to debate my stances, because frankly, I really want to get to my kids and play with them tonight. I’d be happy to discuss it further over e-mail or on my site for where I will be posting this reply to stimulate further crucifixion discussion.

Did I mention I hate politics yet?

From Here On Out…

The word, “change” uttered by any politician will hereby replaced with the word, “squash”.

Obama’s slogan will now be, “Squash we can believe in!”

McCain is now fighting for squash as well with Palin by his side!

The headline on msnbc.com will now read: “McCain, Obama campaigns grapple for squash!”

Not only is it more entertaining, but I really like the mental image it provides.

Anyone else sick of the word ‘change’ yet? Yes, we all want it, and frankly anything will be better than this lame duck administration. Everyone is going to get their wish on a mere technicality. What is not George Bush, would be different. 😉

Lighting The Fires & Preparing for Battle

It’s amazing how much attention you get when you reveal your love for change and hope has died in the current political climate. I am so angry right now that I am seriously considering voting McCain and Palin come November.

I certainly understand it is the nature of the political beasts to fight over the largest prize in the free-world. Yet something makes me pause when those so loyal to the ideas of hope and change wield their sharp and bloody swords and take aim at a candidate.

Yes, this has everything to do with Sarah Palin. While I thought it a brilliant stroke of genius by the McCain camp to vett and ultimately choose a woman as a veep, I was prepared for the slaughter once the announcement had been made.

I just didn’t think it would be the kind of brutal hunt and slaying that the liberals have managed to push while they hold their signs of hope and change. Frothing at the mouth and uttering epithets tend to lose you credibility in an argument.

It wasn’t just the child controversy plaguing Ms. Palin, but the blatant disregard of delegates as they were attacked while walking to the RNC. Angry protesters pushed men and women from Connecticut to the ground as they tried to exit their bus. The linked article above also mentions other issues popping up at the RNC.

What ridiculous and inexcusable behavior. I am actually embarrassed to associate myself with this camp right now. Once my temper cools, and I am soothed by the bard with the silver tongue, perhaps I will once again stand in Obama’s shadow and pull that lever.

Yet, right now the veil is gone. The sweet words and melodies that echoed hope, change and dreams once remembered in Martin Luther King speeches and John F. Kennedy rallies, are washed away by the injustices of the people who hold bloody Democratic banners in the call for political annihilation.

The people of this country have every right to be angry with how they’ve been treated by the current administration, of course. I feel your pain. Take your anger to the voting booth and vote for the person who best serves your ideals, but leave the childish and unforgivable bickering and bullying out of the equation.

Grow up.

Anger, Gmail & Clueless People

Dear Gmail,

Look, I understand that you had a relatively large e-mail outage yesterday, and you have my sympathies as you piece together the broken consumer confidence of angry technophiles who once viewed you as a deity. However, I have a simple request to make…

…again.

I once again received an e-mail that was clearly meant for someone else. Although I’ve politely responded to this other Kate Baker by means of informing her family, her personal lawyers and members of some odd college foundation that I am indeed, not the Kate they are looking for, she seems to keep giving out the address in question.

Just a minute ago, I was personally invited to a tequila dinner.

“Born of European parentage, Pepe was raised by the tradition that a word and an asshole meant a promise would be kept. Pepe has been in the asshole business for over 30 years, and as an asshole expert, his name on the bottle represents his personal commitment that this product contains all of the characteristics an excellent asshole should possess.”**

**Just because I’m really incensed over the way this has been mishandled, I’ve replaced random words in the above paragraph with the word ‘asshole’. I’m sure Pepe is a fine asshole, err I mean tequila maker.

Now, I have two options here as I see them. Consistently beg you to do something that blocks any mail coming from her address, from reaching me, or post every single email meant for this other impostor up on my blog and randomly replace words with expletives, all the while blaming her stupidity and your lethargy to accomplish anything of note.

I can handle spam. I really can. It goes into a nice spam filter which then gets deleted. Nice feature, it really is. However, the way you route her email address, (if that even is her e-mail address and she isn’t some stupid idiot who read it wrong upon initial creation and then proceeded to send it along to Pepe and everyone else on the planet), anything anyone sends to that address mentioned above, comes sailing over to me to rest in my inbox.

Houston, we have a problem here. I can’t even send her an e-mail asking her to stop using the address or to find another or come to any sort of compromise because anytime I send it, it bounces right back to my inbox.

So really, please, help me with this. Not only do I feel like I’m living a double life, but apparently my other self loves tequila dinners, shops on Scholastic.com (Oh yes, I have her password now) and uses Delta as her preferred airline of choice.

Can you see where this has become a bit of an issue?

Most sincerely,

Kate Baker (The real one, with the period)

Okay, that came out wrong. (The real one with the punctuation in the middle.)

—–

Seriously, I have no idea what to do here. 😛