Trying To Be Healthy

I’ve rejoined a gym.

I didn’t want to announce it for the fear that I would get a whole bunch of praise, only to drop it when I didn’t like it. Or the lazy would kick in and I would give excuse after excuse as to why I couldn’t go. But, I’m happy to say, I’m working on week number three and I’m pretty damn proud of myself.

You should see the motivational poster I’ve put right in front of me. I sat down one day, tired of arguing with myself about my weight and my food choices and my lack of exercise, and wrote a list of why I need to be healthy.

Some of them consist of:

1.) I want to fit comfortably in an airplane seat. I have a lot of travel coming up starting in September and I don’t want to try to make myself as small as possible because my ass and hips are taking up a little more seat than they should.

2.) I want to stop making jokes about my size. I’ve dealt with my weight by engaging in self-effacing humor. While I’m laughing that I just made a funny about my hips and jiggly bits, inside, it hurts. A lot.

3.) I want to keep up with my daughters on hikes at Girl Scout Camps. Honestly, I think this is what set me over the edge. I am a co-leader of a local troop. I was winded and red-faced on a light hike through the woods on a recent trip. I was so embarrassed. It was bad enough that I couldn’t deal with it. As my girls get older, I’m horrified at the thought that I am setting a bad example and that they would get teased or feel ashamed of me.

4.) I want to ride a bike, ski, and go to amusement parks again. My weight constantly stops me from partaking in fun stuff that I enjoyed doing when I was thin. I want to throw on some “Smells Like Teen Spirit” while tackling a mountain on skis. I want to be able to bike trails with my girls and get outside for some fun. I want to throw my hands up in the air while in the first car of that roller coaster.

5.) I want to be social. You don’t know how many times I’ve stopped myself from going out, meeting up with old friends, engaging new ones, because I was worried what people might think. I know — people like me for the person I am and not the poundage. However, that doesn’t translate to me at all. I hear those words, I just don’t feel them.

These were only some of the reasons I wrote down on my big sky blue poster board. A picture of me at Christmas accompanies the words as well. I am doing a poor job of hiding behind my five year old daughter. I don’t want to do that anymore either.

Underneath that is this dress: The dress I hope to wear to a convention in the fall at a size 14 or 16.

Today — I did a half hour of strength and agility training and a hour of Zumba.  You know the pain that hits you and feel like you are dying? This pain is different. I finally feel alive.

Wish me motivation. I’m going to need it.

3 thoughts on “Trying To Be Healthy

  1. Vince says:

    I haven’t joined a gym, but I have started exercising and jogging. I’m up to 30 minutes on the jogging. The exercising is harder, but I am making progress. I’m on week six.

    I do need to lose some weight, but mostly I want to feel better, and it’s working. The biggest thing I was told was I need to ramp it up slowly so that I don’t hurt my self, especially with the aerobics – heart attacks are a bad thing. The other is to remember that muscle weighs more that fat, and that my body will adjust to the exercise, so weight loss alone is not a good measure of the improvement occurring as I exercise.

    I’ll trade you good wishes for motivation.

  2. Mom says:


    trying to be healthy too! eating a swimming pool worth of watermaelon. for dessert. would really like to hear a latin soundtrack for Zumba. need something to help me move. right now i am taking inpiration from bullfrogs and turtles, this is not good.
    PS why are you writing in LATIN? i took 4 years in High School of that ,was an officer in the club, but it still confuses me when folks actually try and converse in this.
    If you wrote in Mandarin, now THAT would inspire me to learn the language!
    love ya

  3. I just found you again! The last I knew you were still looking for a name. I like your new home, and I’m glad it pointed me to the blog. My links are now updated.

    Good Luck with your intentions. I had to stop drugs and alcohol 18 years ago. It was that or die. But I needed my cigaretts. I stopped those for a year, then started again. Dropped 20 lbs, and picked them back up, too. Now may be the time I can really stop smoking. And I’m trying to drop some weight, just 10 lbs. One guy was incensed when I told him I was stopping smoking and trying to lose weight at the same time. “You can’t do that!” Like it was against the law or something. But I’ll be happy if I just don’t put on more weight while I’m stopping.

    You do what you can when it’s right for you. I hope now is right for you. My best to you!

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