Big Mac: I thought you were doing Weight Watchers?
Big Mac: Don’t you know I’m like a hundred gazillion points?
Big Mac: So spill it, why are you indulging in the horror that is me?
Me: Bad day.
Big Mac: Ah, emotional eater. Babe, you’re not my first.
Me: Really? Are you trying to make me feel worse? Cause, congratulations, you’re succeeding.
Big Mac: Not a tough love kinda woman are you?
Me: Some days it works.
Big Mac: Think of the potential slamming body you could have if you just made one good choice after another?
Me: Who said you could talk? Suddenly, McDonald’s food gives lip with every value meal.
Big Mac: Just think, the obesity epidemic could be over if we talked Americans out of eating crap like us.
Me: Good point. I’m still hungry.
Big Mac: Fine. Indulge. Give in. I’m sure I’ll make a great accessory in the next tagged photo on facebook.
Me: You read my blog?
Big Mac: Yeah, we think you should bitch more.
Big Mac: Seriously, you’re totally funny.
Me: Now you are just mocking me. When did food get internet access?
Big Mac: Wifi, baby. Micky D’s installs it in every burger so it can track consumer trends.
Big Mac: What, it’s capitalism at it’s best. Rise of the corporation! Eat, eat, eat, buy , buy, buy!
Me: *sighs and puts head on table*
Big Mac: Oh. I can see why you’re depressed. If it feels better, go ahead and eat me. Don’t worry about the tracking device, I’ve removed it’s functionality.
The Big Mac and I have been staring uncomfortably at each other for awhile now. Don’t know what’s going to happen. Stay tuned.