Conversations With My Scale
Before Weight Watchers:
ME: “What the hell do you mean I weigh that much?!!! You stupid scale. You’re probably calibrated wrong. There is no way in hell. It’s gotta be the uneven floor. Your overbearing mother didn’t love you enough, did it? I know she didn’t. You couldn’t measure up, could you? Mmm?! You seek self gratification by deflating others, you sick bastard!”
At this point, I kick the scale under the vanity and tromp off to the kitchen to presumably eat more crap to the soft and pitiful crying coming from the bathroom.
After Weight Watchers:
Me: “Oh. Dammit.”